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Future Television Writer
July 2006
Sun, Mar. 26th, 2006 01:11 am

A recent incident at my school has caught my eye. 

Current Mood: angry angry


Thu, Mar. 16th, 2006 06:45 pm

Last year, I made an entry about prom. More specifically about my sentimentality and genuine excitement when it comes to something with such epic connotations. I mean, movies and TV said that it was a big deal, and I fuckin' believed 'em. I still do. My prom experience will be a little different, though. One of the classes that I failed last year, United States History, has it's regents test the day after the prom. I'm probably one of the only seniors still taking this class, therefore, I'm one of the only people in this situation. This means that I'll have "school" the day after prom, which sort of makes me angry, but doesn't.

It sort of makes me angry because I feel like I'm not going to actually get the "prom experience." It's like there's this rite of passage that goes along with it, but having a test looming over my head for the next day is something that sort of makes the whole thing feel a lot less like one last hurrah in high school and more like a Friday Night Middle School Dance that sucks enough to have school the next day. So for that, I'm not thrilled. I mean, one of my big things that I put on my list of goals was to get a date for the prom from my school. It was a big motivation of mine, even if I hadn't actually acted upon it as of this point. Now, though, I feel as though it's very unimportant. The night will be over in the snap of a finger rather than the extended POST-High School bliss that it should be. For that, I feel angry.

A part of me can't help but think that this is so fitting and hilarious, though. I mean, it sort of feels like one final consequence of slacking off last year, which I still don't regret. It feels like I'm being punished while the rest of the senior class parties it up and says goodbye, I'll be sleeping in preparation for the test. Half of it feels like what my last hurrah should be, though. I don't go to many parties and I haven't had many "hurrahs" throughout high school, anyway. So maybe I'm just supposed to go out in the way that I've been all along, and not with this false "Where Da Party At?" attitude that I don't really posess. Maybe this is more me than that. I'm not saying that I'd choose this, but since when is High School about choice?

Current Mood: weird weird


Fri, Mar. 10th, 2006 12:24 am

I believe that I posted in here almost a year ago about how I was immune from getting detention. I'm too lazy to find some linkage, though. At the beginning of this year, however, I operated under the assumption that my immunity had been erased and I was now able to get detention again. In short, I was mune. However, I planned on testing my limits, of course, so when the first detention rolled around, I skipped it. Didn't show up. I never heard a word of it, but I didn't think that my not hearing about it had to do with me, as much as it had to do with the teacher who wrote up the Disciplianry Report.

This teach, one Joan Ball, is a fascinating woman. In many ways, a sad woman. I don't particularly dislike her, but I don't think she's qualified to teach anymore. I won't go into much more description than that, because I think it would be wrong to highlight the inaqequacies of this woman in written form. Writing down things about her just makes me feel icky, so I won't do it. I will say, though, that Ms. Ball writes up more DR's for more trivial reasons than any other teacher in the school. This is why I assumed that my detention immunity this year only had to do with the fact that they don't take Ms. Ball's DR's seriously.

Recently, I stopped by the cafeteria on a trip to the bathroom and got some food which resulted in a DR from Ms. Ball. I'm not defending that, nor am I saying that she was wrong to write me up on this occasion, even though I know for a fact that there are other students whom she wouldn't write up for the same offense. It's not that she likes them better (which she does), it's that they'd take the time to do something like a cafeteria trip with tact that a petty person like Ms. Ball requires, while I just went for it. So whatever, I got a DR. Being me, though, I had to inform Ms. Ball that I don't ever serve her detentions. I imagine she was somewhat taken aback by this, like I would imagine someone who struggles so hard for power would be if you told them that their one "move" had been rendered useless. So Ms. Ball took her DR and wrote down what I said to her as an added offense.

Today as I was contacted to schedule my detention, the Assistant Principal told me that she lets a lot of kids from Ms. Ball's class slide if they don't show up for detention, but she can only do that if Ms. Ball doesn't know about it. She knows that if she had to track down every kid who gets detention from Ms. Ball and make sure they go she wouldn't have time to do anything else in her day. I imagined that it was my turn to be one of the kids who gets tracked down and forced to go, but alas, it wasn't meant to be. She scheduled me for another detention, but told me that she doesn't care if I serve it or not. She just wants to make sure that I don't tell Ms. Ball if I don't serve it. Hah! Immunity is mine again! Or maybe it never left me...

Current Mood: pleased pleased


Tue, Feb. 21st, 2006 09:57 pm

Four months. That's how long I have left in high school. I don't particularly care for high school. I actually hate it. However, my sentimentality may start to get the best of me quite soon. I feel like, even if I didn't have the greatest high school career, I need to end well. I need to end with closure. I have a lot of things that I need to do before I can conceivably move on. Now, here I am, talking about how much I have to do as I do absolutely nothing for a whole week. Still, some day soon I'm going to have to make a list. A list of everything that I want to accomplish before the end of high school. The things on the list don't neccesarily have to do anything with high school, but I'd like to have a list of things that I want to accomplish in my life, by June, so I can feel like I've figured everything out that can be figured out at this stage, and now I'm ready to move on. When I make that list, I probably won't post it here, as it will be private, but that doesn't stop me from rambling on about it right now.

I haven't yet decided how hard the list will be. If I think that I'm lying to myself by putting something on the list and actually believing that I'll get it done, do I not put it down? Or is that limiting myself? Should I put everything down, even the stuff that seems so impossible that I'll never make it happen? Part of me wants to make the list easy, because then I can pat myself on the back when I've accomplished all it's tasks. However, that won't really accomplish anything. I'll still have all this unfinished stuff looming over my head, regardless of whether I completed a few arbitrary tasks that I assigned to myself on some random day in Februrary. If I'm to challenge myself, I will probably fail, but maybe in that failure I'll come a whole lot closer to success than I would without challenging myself at all. Or who knows? Maybe I'll succeed. Maybe I'll write all these tough tasks down and that will motivate me and I'll become proactive and actually have some self-worth at the end of the day. Wouldn't that be something?

Barring any unforseen complications, I'll be walking on graduation day in my silly looking cap and gown. That in itself will be something of a miracle. But I want more. Like I said, I want closure.

Current Mood: determined


Sun, Feb. 12th, 2006 11:34 pm

Some traditions aren't meant to last. They fall away with time, to be replaced by something more practical. Practicality owns us. We're always looking for something better, or easier, or cheaper. Mostly cheaper. Why write in a journal when you have a LiVE JOURNAL? Why read a book when you can look it up on wikipedia? Why make a left when you can make three rights? Discard that last one.

But seriously. The romantic notion that the young kids in a neighborhood will go around and shovel the snow of their neighbors for a quick buck is dead. Us kids have been replaced by landscapers with industrial snow-blowers and impersonal workers. Now, maybe they do charge less. Maybe they do, in fact, do a better job. Maybe this provides some guys who need work with a job on a day where they would be without pay. Maybe this unspoken rule never really existed, and it's just something I thought did as a kid. Maybe. But I dont know. To me, it seems like something that shouldn't be a business. It shouldn't be a hustle. I mean, the actual shoveling should be one, of course. The finding a drive-way that people actually want shoveled, though, that should be as easy as finding a senior citizen. You know?

Current Mood: nostalgic nostalgic
Current Music: The Only Living Boy in New York - Simon and Garfunkel


Mon, Jan. 30th, 2006 04:31 pm

There's one in particular that I'd like to talk about here. It's Theatre Workshop 2. I took part one last year. I need this class to fulfill my art/music requirement that most studnets fulfill in ninth grade. Actually, ALL students do it in ninth grade. No, I'm not kidding. They do.

Last year's class was interesting. I didn't feel too out of place in it, I guess. I didn't exactly enjoy it, but I didn't dread it. I don't know what to make of this one yet.

I am the only male in the class, so that's weird. The class is populated by girls who are as uninhibited as I am annoyed with the broad theatre exercises that we do. It's really uncomfortable for me. I know that there is another guy who was on the attendance list, but he didn't show up, and I know him, and I don't think he ever will. So it's just me and the really excited girls. Oh, did I mention that every single one of them had theatre workshop 1 together during the same period last semester? Yeah, I'm also the only new one. Go figure.


Thu, Jan. 26th, 2006 04:33 pm

#25-1Collapse )


Tue, Jan. 24th, 2006 04:59 pm

Last year I made a list of my top fifty television episodes of 2004. It's my own version of the list that thefutoncritic does. These are my favorite episodes, not necessarily the best. Also, I try to get at least one episode in from every show that I watch. I'm not going to have twenty episode from one show on the list, because that's just boring. I guess these episodes are more judged on how they stand out in their own respective shows, than in the overall television landscape. If it was any other way, I'd probably just have all episodes from my few favorite shows. Though, currently, I'm without a true favorite. Nothing really sticks out head and shoulders above the rest for me. But to the list....


Number 50-26Collapse )


Sun, Jan. 22nd, 2006 08:08 pm

Last Thursday, in school, I fainted. I've never fainted before in my entire life, so this was quite an odd experience. I had gone to bed at 2 A.M. the night before (my normal bed-time) and I got up at around 6:40. My schedule sucks, so I had seven straight periods to start the day. This means that I didn't eat anything at all. By the time eighth period rolled around, I was positively starving. I took a ride over to Quiznos and gorged down in a very short period of time, because I had to hand something into the office, which limited my off period time and eating time. I arrived back at school for ninth period, during which I began to feel light-headed. I asked the teacher to go to the bathroom once it started to get really weird. On the way there, I felt like I was going to throw up, so I took a detour and stepped outside via the nearby exit.

Once outside, I felt to feel even more weird and see black spots all over and then before I know it my mind is drifting. I'm thinking about something random and off-topic and I've completely forgotten about the fact that I'm nausous or exhausted or even in school. It was only when a frantic hall monitor woke me up that I realized my mind had wandered because I was asleep. All of a sudden there are five people there, including both assistant principals, my teacher, the nurse, and another teacher who seemed to be some kind of expert with this kind of thing. Ironically, he was teaching his nearby class about CPR in a nearby classroom. It was weird.

In other news, I'm hoping that I can make room during this next semester for some more stuff that I didn't get to do during the first one because of my busy schedule. That is, if this second semester senior year thing actually holds up to be as easy as everyone says that it is. I have my doubts, especially because some of my classes are not exactly geared towards seniors, so they're not going to take it easy just because I'm in the class. That would be nice, though. Whatthose things are that I want to do are stil a little unkown to me. I'll rethink them when I see how much free time I really get.

I also am now coming to realize that I may not be getting into any of the colleges that I really wanted to go to. It's kind of a let-down, but I'm not that upset about it. I'm still going to see what I do to fix this, though. Next year is very unknown and a little scary to me, but also exciting at the same time. I just hope that wherever I end up I'll have a great time. I always hope that, actually.

Beyond that, for today, I got nothing. Oh, except for the fact that reading these Marsathon reports makes me incredibly jealous.


Thu, Jan. 19th, 2006 12:59 am

I really enjoyed taking Philosophy this past semester in school. It was an interesting class and a much needed change of pace to all the other boring, lecture-style classes. This class was almost always a discussion, mediated by the students. We discussed a wide variety of topics, and it was interesting to see so many different view-points. I know it sounds very naive, but prior to this, I always thought that deep down most people that I go to school had similar core beliefs with me. Needless to say, they don't. There are a lot of differing opinions in the class, and that is what made the discussion so interesting. The class also wasn't based on any kind of assignments that took more than five minutes, so that was nice. That is, until now.

Being that it is the end of the semester and the end of this class, the teacher has given out an assignemtn that asks us to present to the class, in a creative and engaging way, our answers to these following questions: Who am I? What do I want to become? What am I passionate about? How do I plan to "sieze the day?"

To me, this is one of the hardest things I've ever been asked to do. I don't think I could ever just do this assigment straight up. The class is very kind and usually non-judgmental, but I still know that I couldn't just walk up there all raw and state who I am, honestly. I just can't be that open to people, especially not in public, or whatever the classroom is. It's not that I don't want people to know who I am, it's that I don't want to tell them. Explaining it means summing it up, which makes it all seem so stupid anyway. You tell them the rough points to get everything across, but all the important stuff, the real reasons are lost in the process. And maybe I don't want them to know the real reasons anyway. I probably don't even have the answers to all of the questions, so even if I wanted to do this assignment to the best of my ability, I couldn't.

So that means that I have to BS it, which is even harder. On the first few days of presenting, I have seen kids go up there, completely unembarrased to really share who they are and be who they are. They're unafraid. Unashamed. Real. Raw. There's no way anything that I make up can have what they have. I mean, I can lie alright, and I can make things up really well (hence the choice for a future profession) but people can always see right through you when you're not giving them who you really are. They know it. You know it. They know that you know it. It's awkward and uncomfortable and not exactly a situation that I want to be in.

So where do I go from here?

I really don't know. If only I knew how to tell you who I was...

Current Mood: worried worried